Way back when...

Hello readers!

Again it has been quite a while since my last post and have things seriously changed since then!

Where to start where to start... Yes modeling. So yes modeling is fun, luxurious and full of all the perks one imagines however what a lot of people aren't told or simply ignore are the difficulties and struggles it inflects on their members/victims. Granted there are several models out there or are blessed with a teeny tiny body and can put away a burger and friends without showing the slightest weight gain. However not all of us are like that and I found myself slowly being sucked in by the demand of what models should look like and what you need to look like to get jobs.

Id like to public say and share today that it became too much for me. I wasn't happy trying to balance school, riding and modeling while maintaining a figure that was unnatural for me and made me controlling and obsessive over my build. It was in may when I decided I couldn't continue on if I kept feeling the way I did. I felt unhealthy, I looked skinny yet because I wasn't getting the right amount of calorie intake I had no tone definition or muscles... it was fat and bones.

It bewilders me how that stick, lanky, hanger looking shape is so attractive in the industry however I must emphasize that its the girls who obviously are NOT meant to be that tiny are the ones who look sickly. I came to this realization when I saw a picture of me a few months back of myself and I could count the ribs on me and had arms smaller that my shoulder joints. I looked strange. I looked like a bobble head. and I certainly did not look sexy at all (from a guys perspective lol)

At that point I decided it had stop and I wanted to reshape and change my body. I wanted sufficient food intake that was wholesome and clean. I wanted a body where I had muscle definition, abs, back muscles and actually had a bust and a booty. I wanted to be able to workout and not feel like fainting within 20 minutes. I needed this change.

I have to say that it was not easy! The first thing I had to change was my eating. I needed to learn to be okay with putting calories in my body that was healthy and clean. I needed to be okay with it. I had to vamp up my metabolism which would only come from eating more. This was my first step. Thought this step made me feel immediately better, stronger and happier- it came with gain. My body wasn't used to the amount of food going in it naturally reacted with some additional pounds (lbs that i needed tho). This caused some anxiety and panic attacks but I stuck it out and tried not to have many relapse days.

I then began a fitness regime on my own and discover how much I actually enjoyed it when I wasn't dropping to the ground from lack of fuel. This was my next stage- I wanted to be able to teach others how to workout and give them the strength and support to break a bad habit and start the good habit of working out. So... there began my fitness cert and teaching.

It is now August 2nd, Yes according to the scale I am heavier. Yes that freaks me out and scares. And No I am not quitting and sooner than later I will look ridiculously good. Ok maybe not that intense but this whole obsession with the scale thing is just stupid! For me, its the aesthetics, the muscle tone and the body fat numbers that matter more. Oh and what about the fact that I feel better each day than before and am getting more attention from both women and actually men now! Maybe its because I dont look like I'll snap in a second and now i have some curves.

I have been training with Joe L, Trainer of the girls of "From Skinny Fat to Skinny Fit" for a week now and this is the next step of my transformation! Ive also been doing yoga at Corepower (Chelsea and Melissa G are my favs at Pt Loma), some Pure Barre Classes as well as Saturday TRX circuit class at Aire Urban Fitness with Mike Sherbakov Getting in amazing shape and feeling confident again in a body that Ive worked hard for, is strong and can kick some a** in, and is healthy! Throughout this transformation I will post progress photos as well as before and after kinda stuff, recipes, workouts, etc etc. I contemplated this for a while but I want to share my change and transformation with all you out there so that maybe... just maybe... I change a couple skeptics and prove that transformations do happen and being healthy and strong will not only bring a positive vibe to your life but will make you a healthier happier individual.

Thanks you for reading my story and for supporting me all this time. I hope to bring a positive change and perhaps bring some of you along the transformation ride! Share this with some one you know or that will enjoy this and feel free to comment or send me messages.

Take care. namaste.